How do you get over a crush?

How do you get over a crush? How do you let go of the feelings you have for someone you know you shouldn’t?

Have you ever had a crush on someone and knew that you had to get over it? Maybe they’re unavailable, maybe you’re unavailable, they’re too far away to make being together realistic, or maybe they’ve just moved on. Whatever the reason, you know you need to get over your crush, but you don’t know how.

I wont lie to you and pitch you a method that is guaranteed to work every single time. There isn’t one, and I don’t blow smoke. What I can tell you is that in my long and storied dating life, I’ve had a few crushes on people who I needed to get over. Women with boyfriends, husbands, a lack of emotional availability, you name a situation where I shouldn’t have had a crush on someone, and I did. I got over them all of course, so maybe my approach to getting over a crush might work for you.

The first thing I always focused on was figuring out the reason I needed to get over a  crush. Not the surface reason, or the reason people might think I should get over a crush, the reason that I knew, deep down, that I needed to move on. Sure, pursuing someone who is in a relationship is wrong, but there were plenty of times where that didn’t stop me. Instead, it was empathizing with the people who were in a relationship with the people I was interested in. Would I want to be with someone who was engaging with a man who had a crush on them? Would I want someone to try to get between my partner and me?

So why do you think you need to get over a crush? Figure that part out, and use it as the foundation for everything else. If you have a good reason to get over a crush, that’s half the battle right there. Remember, it has to be a reason that you believe in, otherwise it wont work.

Next, create distance between you and your crush. Both in the literal and figurative sense. Stop communicating with them so much (or maybe at all), remove them from your social media either by unfollowing, unsubscribing, or even blocking them. Avoid seeing them as much as possible. Time apart and space apart makes it easier to get over someone. Absence makes the heart grow fonder might be true in romantic movies, but less so in a world where you can meet someone within 30 minutes of signing up for a dating app.

You should start dating, or resume dating. Take it one step further and date people who specifically are not like your crush. That goes for looks, personality, cadence of conversation, style of dress, or anything else you can think of that seems remotely to remind you of them. What you want to avoid doing is replacing your feelings for someone with a substitute who resembles them.

Alternatively, you don’t have to date, but just fill your time with things that neither remind you of your crush, or have anything to do with your crush. Just fill your time with things that you enjoy, that distract you from a crush.

Finally, remember to look out for yourself and treat yourself kindly. Getting over someone isn’t easy, so don’t rush things, and don’t be hard on yourself. You might text them something you shouldn’t have, when you shouldn’t have, but we all make mistakes. You might have a hard time creating distance, and that’s okay. It might feel like it’s taking forever to move on, but that’s okay too. Just remember that it’s a process.

Good Luck Out There.


Also published on Medium.

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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