Why are older women the only women who flirt with me?

JW_2 asks:
I am 28/m. I get hit on my older woman (40s) all the time, married or single. I enjoy it, they are very attractive, but I’m wondering why I don’t get hit on much by girls my age? Is it because I’m more of a homebody and women of all age can sense that? Am I not attractive to younger women for whatever reason? Any thoughts?


Demetrius says:

Before I dive in, let me just say that I’m just making guesses, based on a few assumptions. Don’t take this as gospel or anything.┬áCaveat aside, I’d have to guess it comes down to a handful of reasons.

I think that in general, the older someone gets, the more comfortable they become with flirting. Not just older women, I’m speaking generally here. There might not be something specific about you that attracts older women per se, they just might be the people who are confident enough to flirt with you.

I sincerely doubt it’s because you’re a homebody though. I mean, first of all, how would they even know that? Unless you’re wearing pajamas to bars and loudly announcing “I’D RATHER BE HOME RIGHT NOW WATCHING QVC”, I sincerely doubt that these women you’re encountering know that you’re a homebody.

But, that isn’t to say that you’re not giving off a vibe that older women are picking up on. You said yourself that older women are very attractive, so maybe when you are in a space with an older woman, they can pick up that you’re into her. I think that women are generally more perceptive about whether or not someone might be into them based solely on body language than most straight men, so it’s possible that when you walk into a room you give off a vibe to older women that screams “come flirt with me”. We don’t always attract who we might be receptive to, but I think that when you’re in the same room as someone and you’re into you, they can tell.

Finally, no, I don’t think you’re specifically unattractive to women around your age. The same reasons that older women are more likely to flirt with you are the reasons why women who are younger are less likely to flirt with you. Maybe you give off a vibe that tells them you’re more interested in older women. Maybe they just don’t have the sort of confidence to flirt with you. I’m sure that if you’re attractive enough to have older women flirt with you, you’re probably attracting younger women. They might not have the confidence or comfort level that than older peers.

One final thought, it seems like more than anything else, you tend to be in places where older women are, thus, they’re more likely to flirt with you. Odds are good that if you’re a homebody, you don’t particularly enjoy nightlife that is geared toward younger clientele. Maybe you’re more likely to spend a “wild” weekend going to wine bars and tasteful lounges with music played at a reasonable volume and comfy seats. In that case, not being flirted with by younger woman has less to do with desirability and more to do with circumstance. If you only spent your time going to clubs geared toward 20-somethings, your experience with who flirts with you would be drastically different, I promise.

All in all though, it sounds like you like the flirting, and you like who flirts with you, so it sounds like a win-win to me.

Good Luck Out there.


Also published on Medium.

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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