Let’s say you go on a date, or maybe a couple of dates, and suddenly the person disappears. With no warning, completely out of the blue, they just disappear. You reach out and get no response. They’re clearly ghosting you, and it bothers you, so what should you do?
Should you call them out? Should you confront them? Should you give them a piece of your mind?
Quick story time. The last time I was ghosted, I called the person who ghosted me out. We went on about 4 or 5 dates that I thought went well, or at the very least I felt like the dates were pleasant. We hadn’t had any issues, and we had planned a follow-up date after our last date. When I sent a text to confirm, I didn’t get a response back. A week later, I sent a text calling her out, which led to an explanation, and that was that. Up until that point, it was pretty rare that I would call out anyone who ghosted me, and I honestly can only think of a few other times were I purposely did over a decade plus of dating.
In the end, the explanation didn’t really do much for me. Sure, it was cool to know why she ghosted, but it didn’t make me feel any better. I’m not someone who feels satisfied when I learn what motivates people. Learning what motivates people is interesting, but it’s not something I need. I also don’t particularly like confrontation for the sake of confrontation. I call out friends, family, and people I love because I want them to learn and grow and hope for the same. If I confront a stranger, it’s because it’ll benefit me in some way i.e. I will call you out if you try to cut me in line because doing so benefits me. I also don’t find value in correcting people, which I know might sound weird coming from me. I like advising people, but if they don’t take my advice it doesn’t bother me. Whether that advice is “that is a terrible date idea, don’t do it” or “hey, don’t ghost people, it’s not cool”.
I’m telling you all this to illustrate a point about whether you should confront someone who ghosts you. If you’re like me, in that you don’t really find any inherent value in confrontation, or learning what motivates people, and don’t particularly care if your advice is heeded, confronting someone who ghosted you probably isn’t a good idea. If you find value in any of those things, call them out.
If you find any value in calling someone out, call them out. It doesn’t matter how much value you find in it, or why you find value in it. Just do it. If it makes you feel better to insult someone who ghosted you, do it. If you feel better knowing why someone ghosted you, ask why they ghosted. If telling someone who ghosted you that your feelings were hurt gives you even the tiniest iota of comfort, go for it. If confrontation/calling out/reading someone doesn’t benefit you in the slightest, don’t do it.
It really is that simple.
Good Luck Out There.
Also published on Medium.