I fell in love with her but she lives far away. What should I do?

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FrostyOgre asks:

Girl I fell in love with in 2 days moved away and idk how to feel?

I have written this story out 3 times but idk what I’m doing wrong so I’ll cut right to the chase.

  • girl I meet on Friday
  • girl is visiting from another country because of thanksgiving
  • girl liked me and I REALLY liked girl
  • before girl leaves for the night she whispers in my ear “it was really nice meeting you and kissed me on the cheek
  • I ask a friend of the girl to give me her snapchat
  • me and girl snapchat all day
  • I invite girl to kickback at a friend’s house
  • she brings her friends I bring mine
  • my friends start hooking up with her friends
  • my friends say if I don’t hookup with her they will
  • my friend that owned the house said his parents would be coming home soon
  • I ask her if she wants to go upstairs to hook up (not the way I wanted it to go but fuck me right?)
  • she says no and that she’s not that type of girl
  • she tells me she’s not that easy
  • she says she thought I was different
  • I am but with me friends getting into my head I rushed that shit
  • she says she really likes me
  • I hide in the garage and upstairs cuz I didn’t want her to do anything she didn’t want to do
  • we cuddled on the couch as we talked about me trying to pull that shit off
  • we don’t do anything all night and I feel like killing myself (not literally?)
  • I send her a text saying how sorry I was for trying to hook with her by acting like a douche
  • she says she really wanted to hook up after we talked but she couldn’t find the right opportunity
  • FUUUUUUVCVCCCKKK
  • that night I lay in bed and with every thought of her that comes to my head I feel a sharp pain in my chest and heart ( cheesy right?)
  • we text all day the next day, she says she wishes we could have done stuff
  • I spill my love for her
  • I ask her when she is coming back to America she says she doesn’t know
  • she’s gone now but we still snapchat and text daily
  • no other girl is important in my life right now
  • she has all my attention but she is in an other country
  • she is two years older than me and I’m pretty sure she will be starting college next year
  • I ask her what are we
  • she says not to worry and to just ride it out
  • is she just leading me on ?
  • do I wait for her to come back?
  • she has family here so I’ll know she be back
  • but let’s say a couple of months go by and she comes back
  • what if she moved on or I moved on?
  • I’ve got school to worry about but I can’t get her out of my head
  • where I’m from we don’t get many like her
  • she’s special but gone for now
  • do I maintain the relationship or is this headed no where?

if you read to the end, thank you. All advice is welcomed


Demetrius says:

Let me first just say that there is nothing I like more than when a dating situation is put into list format. It makes answering these questions way easier. Because of that, I’ll try to be brief, and summarize your dilemma, and what I’ll address, as succinctly as possible.

Guy meets girl , becomes infatuated, takes his shot, misses, but they remain in contact. The major dilemmas seem to be around her distance, how much interest you’re currently showing to her (at the expense of meeting more geographically viable dating options), and now you’re wondering how to proceed.

First, let me just say that there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to keep in touch with someone you would date if they weren’t so far away, but I would suggest not putting all your eggs into one basket. If you decided to have a long distance relationship, that’s one thing, but it’s a completely different thing to just sort of flirt with someone who lives far away, with no real serious plan to enter into a relationship, and then use that flirting as an excuse to forsake all others. I’m sure she’s lovely, and I know what it’s like to meet someone who is everything you want, but not a viable romantic option, geographically speaking. In that case, as much as your long distance option might be the best fit for you that you’ve ever met, it’s probably best to at least try to meet someone you could get to know that doesn’t live an ocean away.

Oh and the whole you fell in love with her over (what seems like) 2 days? I really, sincerely doubt that you’re experiencing more than an infatuation love. Which is a valid feeling, but it’s a feeling that usually fades. The cure for what ails you may just be time and perspective here.

I don’t think she’s leading you on or anything, because she pretty much told you to let the chips fall as they may. You’re leading yourself on by not taking her advice. My advice is…listen. She said “not to worry and to let it ride out” so, take that advice to heart.You seem like a fairly young guy, so here’s a piece of advice I think you should take to heart. When a woman tells you exactly what she wants you to do, do it to a T. If she said not to worry, stop worrying about what to do. If she said to let it ride out, let it ride out and see where things land. If she comes back and she’d like to continue the romance, and you’re both single, go for it. If she meets someone else, nothing you could do there. You might meet someone else, for all you know. Trust me, while she might seem especially unique to you, she probably isn’t as unique as you think. Her accent may differ from the women in your town, her views on dating and sex may differ, but she’s human just like you, and the only thing that truly makes her unique is the pedestal you’re placing her on.

My advice is to keep in contact, but still keep your options open. If you meet again and it’s meant to be, maybe you’ll both be single. It’s way too early for you to jump into a relationship with her, or to decide to not see other people, because you barely know her. It seems like there’s a connection here, but not the sort of connection where you should put a burgeoning dating life on hold.

Good Luck Out There.

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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