I like making out, but have no interest in sex. Am I weird?

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myeyesshinelikestars asks:

The farthest I ever want to go is kissing and making-out; I have no interest in having sex. Am I weird?

I have zero interest in having intercourse. People just think I’m lying when I tell them I don’t have any interest in sex, but I really don’t have any interest. Is that weird?


Demetrius says:

Uncommon, yes, weird, no. It sounds like you’re asexual and there isn’t anything inherently weird, or bad, or strange about being asexual, it’s just not particularly common or understood by the populace.

Asexuality, according to Wikipedia,is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone, or low or absent interest in sexual activities. It sounds like you fall into the latter part of the definition, and asexuality appears to cover a wide range of sub-identities. There are some people who lose a desire for sexual activities, like Tim Gunn, who has been both celibate and asexual since 1980s, and those like Edward Gorey, who professed that he never really had any interest in sex. There doesn’t appear to be one type of asexuality, just as there isn’t one type of heterosexuality, homosexuality, or bisexuality.

According to a study conducted in 2004, 1% of the people surveyed had absolutely no interest in sex. 1% might sound small on a small-scale, but if that number holds true on a global scale, that means that there are millions of people in the world who are asexual. The population of the world was last listed as 7.4 billion in 2012, 1% of that population could be well over 70 million asexual people out there. So no, I don’t think that being asexual is weird, but I do think it’s something that’s uncommon and very misunderstood. As enlightened and open-minded as I am, I’m not exactly the most knowledgeable person when it comes to Asexuality. I can only imagine what most people say when you tell them you have no interest in sex, because sex is such a major fixture in Western culture.

I’m not the most knowledgeable person when it comes to asexuality so if you want to learn more, I’d point you in the direction of David Jay, founder of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network. I tend to defer to the folks out there who are more knowledgeable than me so if you’re looking for a community, or even just to learn more, that might be your best bet. The have a great amount of information and resources for not only educating yourself, but also friends and family, and anyone else seeking to learn more (like me, who spent a few hours reading up for this post). Falling into an uncommon social grouping, whether it’s based on race, religion, sexual identity, preference or orientation, can come with a confusion, incredulity, and some internalized negative feelings because you don’t feel you fit into the norm. The best way to avoid feeling like an outcast is to find your tribe, and honestly, AVEN seems like a great community and a great resource.

Remember, it’s uncommon to have no interest in sex, but perfectly normal. Your peers might not understand it, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t seek out a community that will understand you.

Good Luck Out There.

 

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

3 thoughts on “I like making out, but have no interest in sex. Am I weird?

  • February 1, 2016 at 12:43 pm
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    interesting and cool how we understand that there are so many kinds of people out there, and no one way is the right way.

    Reply
    • February 1, 2016 at 4:07 pm
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      That’s a good question. There seem to be some gray areas in asexuality. I think that in cases like this, where the person likes some things associated with sexuality, they’re asexual in the sense that they have low desire for sex, but enjoy some activities associated with sexuality.

      Reply

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