Going on my First Date Ever! What should I know?

pexels-photo

Mnbvcxz123098 asks:

I finally manned up and asked my crush for her number, and so we agreed on going to the movies over the weekend. I haven’t even been on a date with a girl before. I’m not sure about the movies though, she recommended it, but it seems a little weird. Like just staring at a screen and not talking much. What might help me out here? I really want it to go good but again I have no experience so I’d love some advice or things no to do. Thanks.


Demetrius says:

First date questions are some of my favorite sorts of questions because it allows me to give advice on a future state, rather than explain why the current state is the way it is. I can figure it out why something happened, or what something meant after it happened, but being able to potentially impact the future is pretty fun for me. Here are some great first date venues and ideas:

  • Bars
  • Coffee shops (I an reluctantly adding this)
  • Casual dining
  • Walking dates (i.e. walking through the park)
  • People watching
  • Pool hall/Arcade (obviously depending on your age/your dates interests)

Here are some first dates I would caution against:

  • Anything where you are expected to be silent for the majority of your time there

What does every activity on the first list have in common? All those types of dates allow for conversation. If you can go to bars and drink, that’s usually a great first date option for most people. I’m not the biggest fan of the coffee date, or eating on first dates with someone, but if you can do something casual like sitting and drinking coffee, or eating somewhere chill where the din allows for you to speak to your date, go for it. Walking dates, like taking a self-guided walking tour, are great, but you can just do something as simple as taking a walk through the park. People watching works well too, especially if you’re the sort who can sit and just enjoy talking. Pool halls, arcades, bowling alleys, things like that are good because they fun built-in and you can talk as much as you like while you’re engaged in any games you might be playing.

The second “list” is inclusive of a lot of things, and one of those things is going to the movies. Other dates that require silence are things like plays, musicals, silent auctions, etc. One of the goals of a first date is to get to know a person and it’s hard to do that when you’re both sitting in silence. Movie dates sound cool because the price is set, and seeing movies can be a fun activity, but sitting in silence on a first date isn’t helping you charm your date. Besides trying to get to know someone on a first date, you also want to give them a reason to go on a second date. If the highlight of your date didn’t involve you, why would someone go on a second date with you? Now, if part of the reason the date was fun was because you got to show of your sense of humor, or told a really good anecdote, you’ll increase the odds that you’ll get that second date. It’s not foolproof of course, because second dates aren’t guaranteed, but if you go on a first date that  let’s you show off your personality a bit, you know that you  tried to your date a reason to consider a second date.

If you’ve already committed to the movie date, but I’d suggest amending your date plans so that they include an activity before the mvoies. Whether that’s early drinks, a brunch, a lunch date, coffee, whatever it may be, just try to get any other activity from that first list as a sort of “pre-date”. Try to make it so your first activity lasts just as long, if not longer, than the movie you’re going to see. In the future, when you go on your next first date, try to save movie dates for a couple dates in, say 4th date or so. A movie date doesn’t automatically mean a bad first date (or second date for that matter), it just makes it harder to have a good first date.

Good Luck Out There.

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.