She’s interested but we have nothing in common. Should we go on a date?

PresidentQwark asks:

For most of my life I’ve been about as socially inept as a person can possibly be. Most of my friends and family have all learned by now that I never really talk much. So to save you on few pages of reading I have n0 experience in the female department. No hand holding, hugging, kissing, sex or date experience.

A girl I work with at my summer job has started to show a lot of interest in me since we were forced to work together one day where I was oddly talkative and she really responded to my sense of humor.

Now normally I’d be super happy and I still kind of am but here are a few things making me skeptical about trying to pursue anything.

  • She’s 4 years younger (not really an issue) but noticeably more immature
  • We don’t have much in common. Don’t really share any hobbies or have the same taste in music or movies. She says she’s a “country girl” with no plans for college as far as I’m aware and I’m a pretty typical liberal nerd and going for my masters degree
  • We both make fun of the way the other one talks ( she’s says things like “fricken” “aint” and “that’s gay” quite a bit all of which sorta bother me)
  • If I do pursue I start school in September where I’ll be commuting everyday plus I’ll have a job so I won’t really have much time for a relationship

But on the other hand this may be one of the only chances at dating I’ll get while I’m still relatively young.

Demetrius says:

I’m glad you prefaced your question by mentioning that you have no real experience with women. One of the most used pieces of advice that I give out is “Figure out what you want before you start dating” but you are a great example of how sometimes, that isn’t the best piece of advice. Now, I’m hesitant to give you a yes on this specific girl, but I do think that you should go on dates with people you aren’t 100% matches with. Here’s why.

The biggest reason is your lack of experience. To really figure out what type of person you want to date, some personality traits need to be experienced before you decide on whether you like them or not. Some things are a little more obvious than others.Hypothetical example: you love dogs so you probably know that you can’t date a person who hates dogs. Other things, well, you need to at least see first. I never would have thought at 18 that I wouldn’t be able to date someone who doesn’t have a savings account¬†but you know, you live and you learn. The only reason I’m even here right now writing this advice for you is because I’ve dated so much that I know what I’m talking about. Experience is king when it comes to dating, and your lack of experience will be a slight problem. So yes, go on dates if you want the experience. It (usually) wont hurt to just be on a date with someone.

While you may be very different in terms of common traits, interests, or even the way you speak, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are a bad match with this girl. I’ve dated plenty of people who come from a different background, are a bit younger or older, don’t share the same hobbies, and yet we clicked. I wouldn’t get too caught up on the differences you have because trust me, they probably aren’t that big. Personally I’m a big believer in dating a diverse group of people to learn and grow. I’ve never dated anyone who wrote a dating blog, or who had a huge fascination with comics the way I do, because honestly those things aren’t as important as finding a common ground on issues like say, equality for women, or abortion. Education might be a bigger deal, but I think that all comes down to preference.¬†I like the occasional high-minded conversation but I don’t think I could date someone who only spoke about the economic policies in Latin America. So if you’re going for your masters degree and you meet a girl who has a bachelors, or even just a high-school diploma, I would encourage you to make your judgment based on how well you communicate, and less on what a piece of paper says about their educational competencies.

With all that said, you maybe don’t want to go on a date with someone whose use of the English language bothers you, specifically the use of “that’s gay“as a negative term. I’m all for free expression and the freedom of speech, but I’m also for hanging out with people who don’t bother you. Personally, I wouldn’t go on a date with someone who says things like “that’s gay” because that’s not only a crappy thing to say, it’s also indicative of a larger personality trait. One of closed-mindedness and a willingness to reduce a group of people and their characteristics as inherently bad. I can’t know for sure exactly what she’s like but in my experience, men and women who use terms like “that’s gay” or “stop acting gay” are usually bigots and not people you want to be around. That’s way more concerning to me then the not having anything in common stuff. Maybe don’t go on a date with her, but feel free to go on a date with someone you don’t have much in common with.

Finally, let me just close by saying that although you don’t have a lot of experience, that doesn’t mean that one date will lead into a relationship. You mentioned starting school in September and your concern was that you wouldn’t have time for a relationship. That’s cool and all, but you need to put things in perspective. A date is just a date. A first date is just a tryout for date number two, and date number two is a tryout for date number three, and so on. Take each date, and each new experience, one step at a time. But seriously, don’t go on a date with a girl who uses “gay” as an insult.

Good Luck Out There.

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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