Some dating rules are made to be broken, while some you should incorporate into your dating life immediately. I thought of 5 great new dating rules to Adopt, and 5 you can Drop:
Drop these rules:
1. The man plans and pays for the date
Nix this as an end all be all rule. Fun Fact: men sometimes date men, women sometimes date women, so this rule has to got to go based on that alone. This dating rule stems from the 50’s and it should be relegated to that time period.
2. Wait until the third date to have sex
This might have made sense as a rule when people couldn’t go on 5 dates a week, but those days are over. Just because they went out on a few date doesn’t mean you’re entitled to any of their goodies.
3. Wait a few days to call/text
This would work great if we didn’t all carry a phone in our pockets. It’s plausible if say, before the time of answering machines that you wouldn’t hear from someone after seeing them a few days ago but it takes the same effort to pick your nose as it does to text someone.
4. Avoid sensitive subjects
You know, during the Victorian period, women were trained in courting only in discussing “light literature” but intelligence and discussing politics was not discouraged. This rule is basically that same sort of thinking. Talk about whatever you want!
5. Play hard to get
Another carry over from Victorian times where women never initiated conversation. I’m all for being cool, but playing hard to get is exactly what it says it is, it’s Playing. You’re an adult. Either BE hard to get or not.
Now that we got all the drops out-of-the-way, here’s what you should Adopt:
1. Whoever wants to pay should pay
A rule to adopt that works for all sexual orientations! If you’re a heterosexual lady and you’re on a date with a heterosexual dude and you want to pay, go for it. Some might say that a man will want to pay to feel masculine but if you’re the type that is forward thinking, you’ll want a guy that’s okay with you paying. If you’re a man who insists on paying on some or all of your dates, do that. Just communicate about it beforehand so you’re both on the same page.
2. Wait until you’re both ready to have sex
Don’t set a predetermined timetable on your sex life! When you finally have sex make sure you’re both ready and want the same things, whatever they are. If you both want a one night stand, go for it, if you both want to wait until marriage, go for it. Do what makes you both comfortable.
3. Reach out when you want to
If you went on an amazing first date and you cannot wait to see them again, try to see them as soon as possible. If you’re worried about coming off as overeager, tone down the language in your communications but don’t stall on any communications. Don’t be beholden to outdated standards for communications.
4. Talk about anything…with tact
I’ve always been one to talk about any topic on a first (or second, or third) date as long as it can be done gracefully. I always get the religion discussion out of the way, I might discuss politics, maybe even children (like my sibling’s kids for example). Some would say I break all the rules but I have to tell you, if you can manage to discuss these in a way that doesn’t seem overeager, you can discuss anything. Major point to take away from this: you can cover the controversial subjects on a date ONLY if you can do so with tact. If you’re prone to hyperbole and becoming enraged when someone disagrees, you might want to avoid adopting this rule.
5. Be accessible, but interesting
You don’t have to play hard to get, just make sure you’re not baring your soul for everyone to see on ever single date. Think of yourself and every part of your personality as a well. If you think of yourself as an incredibly deep well, you can give away a certain amount of yourself without drying up. If you think you’re boring or a shallow well, maybe hold back a bit. Save some depth for later dates, no matter how interesting you are.
If all the dating rules stuff is over your head, don’t worry, they’ll change in 5 years again.
Good Luck Out There.