Yes, I’m a master of indifference but I’m aware that some people just aren’t naturally cool. If you’ve been rejected one too many times because you came on too strong, here’s some tips on how to play it cool (while staying true to yourself):
1. Be cool, not disinterested
If you’re interested in someone, make that clear, but temper your excitement. The easiest way to do this is by only discussing things relevant to your present. Don’t become disinterested, just tone it all done to a less overt enthusiasm and avoid discussing a possible future.
2. Be excited, when appropriate
Here’s a test for you: When the person you’re seeing agrees to a date, does your excitement about the date match theirs? If you’re fawning over them for going out with you, they’ll feel like they’re doing you a favor. Maybe when you’re married you can tell the story of how you met and how excited you were to see them before each date but saying it too early on is a turn off.
3. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket
If you’ve met someone and they are currently dating other people, you should do the same. If you don’t like to date multiple people, just keep in mind that while you’re enthusiastic about this person, chances are split whether you end up together or not. Act accordingly. Don’t miss out on a better fit for you because you’re smitten. Keep your options open.
4. Take things in stride
If you’re smitten and get slighted or rejected in any way, try to take it all in stride. This goes back to my “eggs in one basket” idea. If you don’t dedicate all of your time and energy into a fledgling relationship, it’s a lot easier to take slights and rejections in stride. Remember, you just started dating them. You’re not in a long-term relationship yet.
5. Don’t fake it
You need to embrace the idea of tempering your natural reactions. If you’re the fall-head-over-heels type, I’m not telling you to not feel those feelings, I’m telling you to acknowledge that you feel those feelings, but curtail the overt displays emotions that can be seen as unattractive. Don’t change who you are, but realize that not everyone is ready for every part of you as soon as they meet you. Everybody cries right? Of course they do! But would you cry on a date because you had a sad thought a? No! That’s not being insincere, just revealing yourself slowly. Playing it cool is all about slowly revealing who you are, not unraveling and revealing your mysteries for just about everyone you meet.
If you’re the heart-on-my-sleeve type and you think it’s attractive just think of things from an outsiders perspective. “If they’re this willing and open and smitten with me, who’ve they’ve just met, what about the person before me? Or before them?” There’s nothing wrong with being fearless in dating, just know that your fearlessness may scare people away. It’s up to you to decide whether or not you think you want to date someone who can deal with your overtly enthusiastic style of love.
Good Luck Out There.