5 Tips to have BETTER Sex

In honor of National Orgasm Day, I thought I’d get down to the business of better sex.

Before I do so a warning:

This post is probably not a safe for work as are ALL THE LINKS. If you’re under 18, go ask a parent about sex and stuff.

Before I get to the tips here are some good rules of thumb regarding sex:

  • Always have verbal consent
  • You should only have sex if you want to have sex
  • Use protection if you do not want to risk children or STDs
  • Get tested regularly
  • Be open and honest with your partner if you’ve tested positive for anything

Now then, for all you consenting adults let’s move on to:

5 Tips for Have Better Sex

1. Try a little tenderness

Sex should be a marathon not a race. There is no need to go as hard  and  as fast as you can. You’re not impressing anyone and probably doing nothing for your partner. This goes for guys and girls. As a rule of thumb, if you see something in porn or on Miley Cyrus’ instagram you probably want to avoid doing that in the bedroom. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. I’m not saying you have to have sex like a mummy, but try switching up tempos and see what difference that makes.

2. Invest in better condoms

I’d rather that you were using a condom rather than none but if you can afford it, why not invest in better condoms? NYC condoms are bountiful and great in a pinch but they’re not exactly the best in terms of mutual pleasure. There are tons of condoms options for all shapes and sizes. Personally, I’m a big fan of Sir Richard’s condoms. For ethical reasons: 100% latex, Vegan(!), no parabens, glycerins or spermicide, PETA approved, and for everyone condom purchased, 1 condom is donated to Partner’s in Health for free distribution in Haiti. Also for personal reasons, they feel awesome. If you’re curious about different brands and don’t want to buy spend a ton of money on condoms, you can buy condoms from Babeland for anywhere between $0.85 to $2.00 each. Or buy a sampler for $7.00.

Speaking of Babeland

3. Don’t be afraid of sex toys and accessories 

There is a reason sex toys were called “Marital Aids” in the past. They are there to help you, not replace you. Don’t be afraid to experiment with toys, blindfolds, lube, love rings, massage oil, Wedges, etc.

Read 50 Shades and it piqued and interest? Nothing wrong with exploring with bondage. If rope sounds too crazy for you, maybe try out some bondage tape.

I’m not saying you have to bring out a jackhammer and a tub of vaseline, just keep an open mind about toys. If they’re selling vibrating rings in CVS and Walgreens it’s safe to say that Sex Toys are mainstream.

Oh and studies show that 30% of women have trouble reaching orgasm during sex, 80% have trouble reaching orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone.

4. Be Good, Giving, and Game (GGG)

Credit where it is due, I stole this from Dan Savage who coined the term GGG. When it comes to dating and yes of course sex, you should be, and I quote:  “good in bed, giving “equal time and equal pleasure” to one’s partner, and game “for anything—within reason.”‘ 

5. Communication is Key

What brings it all together is communication. What drives all of the previous 4 tips is good communication. You can’t know that your partner isn’t satisfied or wants to try new things without first having the conversation.

Sex can be an uncomfortable topic but if you’re going to be having it, you might as well be open and honest about it. Not sure want you want to discuss with your partner? Go to Mojo Upgrade and fill out a questionnaire either separately or together. You’d be surprised how fun this can be and as long as you and your partner are comfortable with each other it will definitely be a fun learning experience.

Interested in not just communicating with your partner, but also learning about and exploring different facets of sex? Check out podcasts from Emily Morse (Sex with Emily) and Sandra Daugherty (Sex Nerd Sandra)

Interested in exploring with accessories? I highly recommend Good Vibes and Babeland. I’ve had extremely positive interactions with both companies, but I hold a special place in my heart for Babeland (mostly because one location is 5 minutes from my apartment and the staff there is like the nicest ever)

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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