Using Cognitive Dissonance to deal with rejection

*Before we start, a quick note. I am not a mental health professional and the advice below is based solely on my own opinions and independent research. If you’d like life advice from an actual mental health professional, especially if you’re a lady, check out The Guidance Girl*

I’ve written about rejection before but lets face it, rejection sucks. You’ve invested time, money, affection but in the end things don’t work out for a variety of reasons. We’ve all been there and sometimes rejection can drive people to question their own self worth.

Let’s avoid that by putting Cognitive dissonance to use when dealing with rejection.

To put it simply  (and I’m quoting wikipedia here) : “Cognitive dissonance theory explains human behavior by positing that people have a bias to seek consonance* (*editor’s note: harmony) between their expectations and reality.”

You can read more about cognitive dissonance here, here, here, here, and here.  All read up? Awesome, lets move on.

So you’ve been rejected and you’re bummed out. Lets work on this

I want you to say this: “I’m indifferent about the rejection. This person was clearly not into me and by rejecting me I will actually be able to find someone else more compatible”

You don’t have to believe it yet and it’s okay if you don’t. Notice how nothing you said is downplaying what you had with a person. It’s not about insulting someone else, it’s about empowering yourself. Rejection isn’t about you not being good enough, it’s about you not being right for someone.

When someone asks you how you feel about this rejection repeat: “I’m indifferent about the rejection. This person was clearly not into me and by rejecting me I will actually be able to find someone else more compatible”

Make this your mantra. Repeat it enough and you’ll start to believe. Do you want to know why you’ll believe it?

Because it’s true.

If someone isn’t attracted to you and they remain with you out of a sense of obligation (empty love) you’ll eventually become unhappy anyway. You deserve better than that and this rejection will eventually help you find someone better.

Good Luck out there

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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