The biggest barrier to getting what you want is the fear of rejection. The thing is that we get rejected constantly in our lives. Whether it’s for a job, promotion, friends rejecting our plans for preexisting plans, etc. It happens all the time but we’ve normalized these small rejections so they don’t necessarily bother us.
The thing to remember is that a no is a no and it’s no big deal. If you suggest tacos to friends for dinner and they decide to get shawarma, so what? If the girl you like isn’t into you, big deal. Get Shawarma. Or…meet someone new. Whatever, you know what I mean.*
You need to get over your fear or reluctance or risk aversion. Whatever you call it, stop worrying about being rejected.
You will meet people who are attracted to you and don’t want to be with you. You will meet people who have no attraction to you whatsoever and definitely don’t want to be with you. That’s ok. Stop worrying about what people will say or do and worry about your own happiness.
Be indifferent to negative possibilities.
Now, when it comes to rejection in love…
I talked about The Friend Zone not exisiting in a previous post and I wanted to come back to that. If you think that rejection will ruin a friendship it wont. Your reaction to that rejection might. You can only put yourself in the friend zone based on YOUR reaction to rejection.
If you have a friend who you are into and they are not, accept the rejection. Don’t think that you can change it, or make them like you by doing X. Say “Ok cool,well I like you as a friend and thought there might be something more, there isn’t on your end so no worries. We’re still cool”. Now the key thing to do is…actually be cool with it.
Don’t idealize people you’re attracted to. If you’ve ever seen the Triangular Theory of Love you know that there are different ways to be attracted to someone and it boils down to this Intimacy, Passion, Commitment.
Within these you have Nonlove, Liking/friendship, Infatuated love, Empty love , Romantic love, Companionate love , Fatuous love and Consummate love. Now in the pie chart below I’ve given each of these types of love a value. I’ve determined (using the magic of fake science) that each type of love has a value on a scale of 100 with Non Love, Liking, Infatuated Love, and Empty love rated at 5 points, Romantic love , Companionate love , and Fatuous love at 15 points and finally Consummate love at 35 points.
The way it’s rated, even if you’ve got everything but the Consummate (Ideal) love things aren’t going to work out. The fact that you’re infatuated with a girl, like being around her and are her friend? 40%. Sorry guy but that just doesn’t cut it. You need that 35% to make things truly last. If she’s only feeling 30% on her end it wouldn’t do either of you any good to continue with an incomplete relationship. Accept this rejection and move on.
This person SEEMS perfect to you and SEEMS like they’d be a good fit.